She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
