but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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