My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I showed him my bush... on skype.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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