she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
