my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
