Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
