My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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