OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
