That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
