He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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