God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The feeling are messing with the penis
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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