Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
