she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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