u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
