Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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