she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
