his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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