The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
