do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
