Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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