you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
