That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
