Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
