Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
