i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
