Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
