you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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