How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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