I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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