I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I understand Curling. That high.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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