**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
