I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
