The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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