Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
