You smell like a Billy Joel song
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
