Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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