Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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