3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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