Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
