meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
