she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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