there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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