Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
