FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
this will be a night to untag.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
