I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
