just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
