I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
