I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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