It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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