Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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