Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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