If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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