Im at strip club and am horny
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
