Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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