Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
