I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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