I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
