I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
