Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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