Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love having hate sex.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
