I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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