I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
