I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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