Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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