True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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