all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
