She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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