dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have aggressive nipples.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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