took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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