dude i'm inner monologue high
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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