It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sober January is a disaster.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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