dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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