Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
