i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
