Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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