I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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