people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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