That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
