Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
